Christmas Pic overload!!!

The one that got away...

I

am a little sad today. I think it is because the anniversary of our FET is approaching. Don't get me wrong, it will always hold fond memories for me and be a day that I will be eternally grateful for. It was the day Aubreigh decided to implant her cells in me, and make me a mommy.

I often, however, wonder about the one that got away. We transferred 2 embryos that day. Only one took. Why didn't one take? Was there something genetically wrong with it? Did it just not want to make my uterus its home? Was it a boy, or a girl?...or more so...was it my son or daughter....?

I never really felt sad about it before. I secretly did want twins at first. I actually thought we were pg with twins when we first found out...which I think many IVFers do. Probably because you don't want to think one was defective or didn't like you....or because you think "instant family".... I may never have to go through this HELL again. Surprisingly, when I saw the u/s screen and saw that it was only one, I didn't feel sad at all.......just extremely grateful for the single, healthy being inside of me.

It is strange...for the past year, I wondered every now and again about the other embryo...but it never really had a profound effect on me. I supposed i viewed it as "things happen for a reason" and knew that twin pregnancies carry far greater risks. I was happy with one healthy baby. I think I also couldn't comprehend that cluster of cells being a baby. To me, it was just a cluster of cells. It was a weird looking blob of nothing to me. But now....one of those weird looking blobs of nothing is sleeping like an angel in her crib and is the most beautiful bundle of something that I have ever seen.

So why am I sad? Because I see Aubreigh flourishing each day and her personality developing. Crazy as it seems now, I feel blessed to have had to do IVF...because it gave me Aubreigh. I wouldn't trade my little "poop" for anything. For it is Aubreigh who is so nosey and stares at all the people in church. It is Aubreigh who laughs at my "Poopy in the duppy" song. It is Aubreigh whose face gets as red as a stop sign and shakes if her baba isn't ready on time. It is Aubreigh who has her daddy's blue eyes and mommy's dark hair. It is Aubreigh who is my daughter...but what if there was another?

I have been thinking alot lately of #2. We have 3 more embabies left in the freezer. What if they are all like the one that never took. What if Aubreigh never has a brother or sister or I never have another son or daughter...what if only it took?

I guess for now I will just have to go with the "things happen for a reason" and "God has his plan for me" theories. If I had twins, they may have been premature and even sickly. I probably would have missed out on many of the special private moments that Aubreigh and I have shared. The cuddling in the morning, the nursing (because it was so difficult with one for me, I can't imagine having 2!), or just all the special time I get to devote to her...and only her.

but hopefully someday another weird looking blob of nothing will decide to make me a mommy again, and turn into another beautiful something for the Franczyk family...

...and hopefully then it will all make sense...

***explanation of the pics above***

These were the 2 blastocysts that were transferred that day. They are microscopic. One of them is actually Aubreigh. We have no idea which one is her. The first one was rated very good, the second excellent. What this is describing is the development and amount of fragmentation. You can see that the second one has more of an area budding off.--which is a good thing. The embryo has now developed into 2 parts....the placenta and the "baby". These 2 parts make this embryo a "blastocyst". Once it reaches this stage it can be frozen and thawed/transferred for a later date.

Our first Illness :(

Well, our sweet baby girl has an ear infection. This no doubt coincides with the sniffles she most likely picked up at daycare. Luckily, her dada picked up on it quickly and she has been doing great. I would have never known she was sick...she was not that cranky.

Besides the ear infection, daycare has been going really well lately. Aubreigh seems to really be enjoying it. The teachers and staff all adore her. We are also fortunate that she is only there 3 days a week, none of which are very long. This week we actually decided not to send her since it would be for only one day.

I am so excited for Turkey Day this year! Having a little one just makes everyday a little more exciting!!!!

My Halloween Cutie!

I had a hard time figuring out what my little princess would be for halloween. She is so girly, but I decided that there would be plenty of time for fairies and princessess in the future. Basically i wanted something semi-comfortable and something that would not swallow up this petit cutie.

So I found this tootsie roll and i couldn't resist!

We also went to our Halloween parade that they have yearly in our development. It was really nice. I am so happy to finally have a family! I swear I nearly had tears in my eyes walking there. It is sooooo stupid, but I was just so happy that I had a child. I was a mom, and going to a neighborhood mom event for the first time. I may have to buy a box of keenex for the first playdate i go to....lol.

Looking Back.....

Wow! I was just reading some of my previous blogs and it was so neat to relive how I felt throughout this whole time. I will definitely have to do a better job of keeping up with things.

As an update, believe it or not, but I have been much more successful at breastfeeding, nipple phobia and all! I still pump a lot, but she does latch on pretty easily now. It started at about 3 weeks. Also, we did have her tongue clipped, and looking back I am so glad that we did. She is able to stick her tongue out all the time now! It would have been a much more difficult procedure had we waited. It would have involved anesthesia, etc.

SO tomorrow my precious angel will be 2 months. She has grown so much and is very alert now. She still loves the night time...but we are working on that.

This Sunday is her christening. We met with the pastor today to go over some details. Then we are having a small reception at the Dupont Country Club afterwards. Hopefully we will have some more pics to post! Plus we have a sony handi cam now too!

We chose my sister as the Godmother and Darren's friend Mark as the Godfather. Mark is a bachelor who has sworn off women (although we constantly have people ask us to fix them up with him). So it is incredibly cute and heartwarming to see him with Aubreigh. Darren shows him how to hold her, and it is super cute to watch. He even says how he loves her and how proud of her he is. After seeing him with her, Darren and I both agreed that he would make an excellent God Parent.

Well, I will make an effort to update more this weekend. Hopefully we will have some nice pics to add.

Make a Smilebox slideshow

Long time no see....

Well, I have been MIA for about a month now! I have been having a great time being a mommy. I have also been very busy. We have been inundated with visitors....which I didn't mind as much as I thought.

However, I think the sleep deprivation has finally hit at 5 weeks. I used to be able to function really well on 3-6 hours a day, now if I am fortunate to get 8 or 9 I feel like I could use about 12.

Aubreigh is such a cutie! I must admit that even though I am sooooo tired at 3 am, every time I see her big blue eyes look at me, I can't help but smile.

I have some photos and slideshows to finally post. So this blog entry will be more visual than verbal! The photos are of Aubreigh 6 days old! I spent way too much on her photos and announcements ($1,100), but oh well, how do you narrow them down! Darren said that I am never allowed to have professional photos taken again! Oh well....we shall see!