I am a ticking time bomb!

That is what I refer to myself as now....
I can go at any time. I am waiting for my water to break at any minute. Each little pang makes me nervous.

I would really like to hold off for at least another week. I have been getting some stuff ready for the nursery...on my bed rest and all...and it looks really good. I know that I will truly never be able to be totally ready now...but at least somewhat ready.

I have to laugh. After my appointment on Monday I made a trip to the drug store. I had to buy maxi pads. I could not rest until I got them. I could only imagine the disaster it would have been to send Darren there and explain to him that I needed wings, etc. Yes, I am a maxi pad snob. If it isn't always with wings, it won't do!

I think I am going to start another list for other items that I may need for the baby. And maybe next week I will have my day out at the drugstore again! How exciting!

I can't believe that I may actually have a baby soon!

My 3 day vacation in labor and delivery...

Well, I thought i was just going to a normal check up on Tuesday. I mentioned to the doc that I thought I lost part of my mucous plug a week ago, and was concerned that I felt a little pressure.
He decided to check me out. I was 3 cm dilated and 75% effaced. He asked if I was having contractions, but I didn't think I was.

He decided to send me to labor and delivery for monitoring just in case, and said that I should stop working for now. He also joked that I wouldn't be cooking anymore and that Darren should buy me some taco bell on the way home.

Well, we never made it home on Tuesday night, and I never got dinner. The contractions were 2-5 minutes apart and weren't subsiding. I ended up needing magnesium sulfate (which was horrible and made me vomit 6 times). They had to up the dose 3 times. The OB came in at 3:30 am to see if things were progressing (she had thought I went from 75% effaced to 90%). At this point I had a "bloody show". Fortunately, however, I wasn't progressing. The magnesium started working and my contractions subsided.

The next afternoon I was just a drugged up gal. I was still on the magnesium, but they were tapering it. My speech was slurred and my vision was blurred. The neonatologist came by, and explained that the biggest obstacle would be feeding. Breathing could also be an issue, but we were able to get the steroid shots, so it shouldn't be that big of a deal. I also saw the 2 OBs, and they joked with me in my drugged up state. Finally at 6:30 pm, the magnesium was stopped. It was heaven.

Darren got me a blue (as he joked he hoped for a boy) ice pop and it tasted like heaven. Then at about 8 pm they gave me a meatloaf dinner. For hospital food, it tasted fabulous! The nurse was going to help me try to shower as well, but I was too unstable for it. Then I was switched to a regular room on the floor. The nurses were all so nice and brought me graham crackers and peanut butter as a snack.

The next morning I met with another OB and he said that I would not be released until Friday morning. He also told me that if the contractions started again....more Mag! I was having some cramping and had this terrible feeling that the contractions would be back shortly. The nurse put me back on a monitor, and fortunately no contractions. I was just having an irritable uterus. The baby also looked great.

Later that evening, a different OB came by and said that things looked fine and that I could go home. That was great. I couldn't wait to sleep in my own bed.

So now I feel like a ticking time bomb. I am just taking things easy and hoping to last another week or so (though, I feel like this baby is impatient and will be making his/her appearance shortly). I am concerned that I may not feel the labor or contractions in the beginning and have no clue what is going on. I am sure that I will feel them at the end, however!

I am just so excited to be a mommy! I can't believe it can be right around the corner! And as horrible as the whole experience was....I would do it in a heartbeat if it meant that my little peanut would benefit!

It all WORKed out...

...at work. I talked to my practice manager and we figured out a plan. Some of it is actually too good to be true.

I nearly had a heart attack when he said I wouldn't qualify for FMLA (which I thought was rather hincky, and I would have looked into it more, had he not offered me a great deal!)

Basically, they need me to just check in a few days a week to do some chart work ( I can bring the baby etc)...and there is no need to change or fire/rehire me...and I can still earn a few bucks while I am out for my 3 months.

They also said that I can work 4 days a week when I return. I was sooooo excited. So my new tentative schedule will be Tues-Thurs. Yay for 3 day weekends! Basically I just wanted an extra day during the week to spend with the baby. Weekends can be so busy and rushed, and I just wanted a day to cook, and play, and snuggle (especially during the winter months!). Darren will also work 4 days so it looks like we will only need daycare Weds-Fri. Plus Darren goes in at 11 and works late on Thurs, and often finishes early on Fri, so those 2 days won't even be full days.

I am so ready to meet my baby!!! (well, just hold off for a few more weeks until I finish the nursery and the peanut is a little bigger!)

33 week u/s....and it's a...

BABY!!!

I held out. I stayed strong. I have come this far....and I can wait for my surprise!!!! It will be the best surprise ever. Really, I mean there are truly very few real surprises in life.

The baby is measuring exactly on its due date! The tech said that this is rare. What is even more unbelievable is that the baby measured at exactly its due date at the 20 week u/s. The baby is also measuring over 4 lbs.

I do have to call the OB tomorrow though. I think I may have lost part of my mucous plug....I know-- gross. I think everything is OK, since this can happen a few weeks before the baby is born and there was no blood. However, I think I should call just to make sure everything is OK.

My practice manager also said that tomorrow we would talk about my schedule and time off. I have already let them know that I want to take off 3 months once the baby is here. I also suggested only working 4 days a week when I return. I don't know if they will go for this or not....so fingers crossed. I hope that I don't leave work too disappointed tomorrow.

Oh well, I guess I better get to bed and get a good nights sleep. Baby, just stay put until 37 weeks. I want you to be healthy (even though I can't wait to me you!). I also have a lot more things to do. I have to call tomorrow about getting the furniture delivered and still lots to do with the nursery. I have lists everywhere. I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown yesterday when I realized that we don't have any cotton balls in the house for the baby...lol!

So not a boob person...

So that is why i am petrified to breast feed. I went to a class today, hoping to gain some insight or pointers...but it was pretty stupid. At least it did give me some insight on which pumps work best for which situations. And they gave some horrid handout with pics of all these diapers and the types of poop to expects for the first week.

But I am going to try. I will persevere. I know that this is best for my baby, so I will give it all I can. And if that isn't good enough, I will just be accepting of it and formula feed.

Though the thought of painful nipples send shivers down my spine. I don't even like it if a towel rubs my nipple and I always wear a padded bra for extra coverage. Call me crazy, but I think sometimes I have a nipple phobia.

This is why I am so not a boob person!

32 weeks!

32 week belly shots

Yes, we have reached this milestone! We are so happy. Not that we want our baby to be born now, but at least we know that this level of prematurity would come with a good prognosis.



I have been counting the weeks all along. It is so great to reach these milestone markers. I can't wait until I am watching the Olympics on TV. It will be right around the corner then. I also like to wonder what my life will be like when the next Olympics roll around. During the last set, I had been dating Darren for about 6 months, totally unaware that during this round I would be living in his (now our) house, married, and awaiting our first child!



We went to a wedding yesterday and people were telling me that I was glowing (and that i was going to have a boy because of it!). I think I am glowing because I am just so grateful and appreciative to be pregnant. I love wearing maternity clothes. I love people asking "when are you due?" I love the pat on the belly. I love feeling the kicks and movements (though I think our little peanut was startled yesterday when the bad was playing...he/she was kicking up a storm).



Basically, I truly love being pregnant. I think that coming face to face with the enemy (infertility) created the stark realization that I may never become a parent. Because of this, I am more aware of this miracle inside of me, and pregnancy has an even deeper and special meaning. I have totally cherished every moment of it and will be eternally thankful for being able to experience this.



I hate that I have friends that are still struggling to experience it. I truly believe that their day will come...although that would be the last thing someone going down that road wants to hear. I hate that they have to pay oodles of money and suffer heartbreaks. It just isn't fair. They deserve their turn. It even makes me feel guilty at times that I was so fortunate to be on the "lucky" side of the odds. Honestly, sometimes I think that is all it comes down too for some of us. The grass is definitely greener on this side, and I can't wait for them to cross over.

8 weeks and counting...

....until I am done with work! I really like my job, and pregnancy has had its perks. The patients are generally more friendly and always willing to strike up a conversation about the baby. However, lately, I have been extremely exhausted. I take mini naps at my desk and count the hours until I can get home and take another nap.

I want to work as long as possible. Some weeks I feel great, others, not so hot. So now the countdown has begun. I am ready to finally have a vacation....although a screaming baby will be a far "CRY" from relaxation, it will be a nice change of pace from work.

I have not had an actual day off that wasn't medically related (IVF, minor surgeries, OHSS, FET) since last March (nearly a year and a half). I can't believe it has been that long!

Though, I am very thankful to have not had a day off. In December, Darren and I had planned a trip to Paris for January. It was my consolation prize if the frozen transfer did not work. I have never been so happy to postpone a trip and work for 6 months straight in my life!

So now I am counting the minutes until work is over (90 more to go), so I can try to rush home and grab a quick nap before our birthing class. I really don't want to go, but it is on C-section, and with my luck, if I didn't attend, I would surely end up having one!

So I guess I will just have to see what "Big Red" has in store today. She is this other pregnant lady taking the class with me. She is just plain rude. I think it is utter ignorance than intention. First, she cut in line in front of me to use the restroom (which is quite territorial in a room full of pregnant ladies), and then she basically told the cute pregnant lady behind me that she was too old (she is 41). The 41 y/o lady may have 10 yrs on her, but I would rather look like her any day!

OK, enough of my ranting before karma bites me in my big new behind:) I must get back to work.....

Cheap People....

Yes, I am just going to throw this one right out there. I suppose that I should probably put a little disclaimer out there as well..."I don't write this post to be politically correct or to not to step on any one's toes...these are just real feelings that I have as a 7.5 mo. pregnant lady." Oh heck, who am I kidding...I would feel the same way regardless if I was pregnant.

So anyway, I think writing this down will help me get it off my chest and sleep better at night. You know those stupid things that pop in your mind and wake you up at 3am and keep you up for over an hour....

My shower was a week and a half ago. And it was awesome. 99% of the people went above and beyond for what they did and the gifts they gave me. But.......(and by no means trying to be an ungrateful princess)...there are 2 that stand out. I mean blatantly stand out.

I remember thinking that I hoped my facial expression didn't show what I was actually thinking..."Like there must be a gift card or another bag with this present, right?"

And it is not that I am talking about an elderly aunt who just has no clue, or a friend of a relative that you hardly knew, or someone struggling financially. It is close friends or family...that you would expect better from. At one instance, I don't even know if the person spent $10 on their gift, which would not irk me, had we not given them at least 3-4x that on each single occasion and there have been several. I must confess, however, that it really didn't surprise me, as I quickly recalled comments from others about her. I think what makes the situation rather hilarious is that she tries to "put the dog on" all the time, driving an expensive SUV or telling tales of fabulous dinners. My hunch is, they are in debt up to their eyeballs, but that is not my fault, and I don't deserve a shoddy gift because of it. And memo to myself..."CHEAP ASS GIFTS FOR THE ? FAMILY FROM NOW ON"

The other instance is less about the actual dollar amount, but more about the lack or interest in our pregnancy and child. I am not saying that I need all pomp and circumstance surrounding our pregnancy, just a little interest. Especially when they are family members and we have shown great interest in their family. I know that a lot of it comes down to jealousy...and I try to just ignore it. It is just hard when you never realized just how jealous they were. It makes you feel bad, but oh well...life goes on!

So I know I am not the only one who has felt like this, and special occasions such as showers and parties tend to show the true colors of many. I think it boils down to the intentions behind the gifts, not the actual dollar amounts. And these stupid intentions can just gnaw at you, and sometimes...it is just best to get them out...even if it is on a blog that no one even knows about!