Less than 1%

About a year ago Darren and I heard these unfortunate words. If we were to try on our own for a family, the odds that we would actually get pregnant were less than 1%. So basically someone who takes birthcontrol pills religiously or has a vasectomy actually has a better chance of becoming pregnant than we do.

It was not something that came as a total surprise to me. I knew since I was in highschool that something just wasn't right. I went to the OBGYN on Jan 2nd 2007 in hopes of starting a family. After a few simple tests and 2 rounds of Clomid failed, we decided to see a specialist. In June all of the testing procedures began. I still can 't believe how many tests there actually were. Then when the results were in.....things were a little worse than we anticipated. We had to go straight to IVF. That was our only option.

I remember feeling really depressed when i first heard about the IVF. Not only was it going to cost big bucks (about 15K), but I felt like this was the last hope. I didn't want to go straight to the last hope. I wanted some little hopes in between. I wanted a cushion.......at least some artificial inseminations and injections before we went to the big gun.

In September we started the protocol for the IVF. By early October it was time for the Egg Retrieval.....the BIG DAY that all my weeks of shots had been leading up to. I was a stellar responder to the medicines. Actually too good of a responder (I have polycystic ovaries and literally made enough eggs for me and 3 other people).

On egg retrieval day I ended up being a poster child for Murphy's Law. Everything went wrong. The anesthesia didn't work and I woke up in the middle of the procedure only to feel and hear everything that was going on........not only did it not work, but it also made me vomit a few times that day.

Probably the most horrific moments were when the specialist came in. He told me that I had developed some unexplained fluid, and I would not be able to transfer anything. He said that we also didn't get nearly as many eggs and we should have, and that Darren's sperm was so bad that we should probably consider using donor sperm as a back up for future IVFs. So i cried. Right in front of the Doctor..... I LOST IT! He proceded to hand me a card for a therapist (clearly not understanding that I was just having a bad day). Then we talked some more and I told him my fears about money. Was the 15K we paid for this procedure gone, just like that????

The words however, that probably made me the most upset were "DONOR SPERM". I couldn't help but feel this terrible pain for Darren. I wanted a baby, but i wanted my husband's baby. Of course, if we had to, we would go the donor route. I just didn't want to. I wanted our baby to have blue eyes because they were Darren's blue eyes, not someone elses. I didn't want to have to answer questions in the future about DNA etc. I didn't want to see a report in TIME magazine about donor sperm, and wonder who was the biological donor?

If i was feeling all of this in those first few moments, what was he feeling?

"SUPER HERO SPERM"
That is what we like to call them. The little guys pulled through. We created embryos.....and they were good embryos! Each day that we would get a report from the lab, I would fall to my knees and pray to God that our cells would make it! In the end we had 5 blastocysts (term given to the embryos that make it to 5 days). And they were good blastocyts. And they were a part of me and Darren!

"OUR CHRISTMAS MIRACLE"
We defrosted 2 of our blastocysts and transferred them on December 13th, 2007. On December 23rd, 2007 I went for bloodwork nearly a week early.......and we received a true Christmas miracle..................

"FASTFORWARD"
It is June 26th and I am over 30 wks pregnant! Our little peanut is due August 31, 2008.
Throughout this whole process I have heard statistics and odds over and over again. Odds of implantation, miscarraige, downs syndrome, preterm labor, etc etc etc.
I will probably forget them in a few years, some I have forgotten already.

The one is will never forget is............Less than 1%